Killers Review: Hitmen And Miss

17/06/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

KILLERS (12A): On General Release From Friday 18th June

I could tell by the exceptionally unimaginative poster that this was going to be another boring Katherine Heigl movie. It shows her holding a gun and looking blonde, buxom and brainless while Ashton Kutcher does his best impersonation of a gormless fish.

I’m afraid to say that the movie lived up to these very low expectations. The plot started out in beautiful Nice where recently single Jen (Heigl) is on holiday with her mum and dad (Catherine O’Hara and Tom Selleck). She runs into Spencer (Kutcher) who’s handsome and charming with a body to die for, but there’s one problem – he’s a hitman. Do It!

Kicks Review: Own Goal

03/06/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

KICKS: On Limited Release From Friday 4th June

We’ve all had teenage crushes and at some point thought to ourselves that if we could only meet the object of our misplaced affection, we could make them love us.

After much crying and angsty journal writing, we all grew up and realised how childish our desires were. Kicks is a darker take on teenage fantasies and acts out what might really happen if two girls got their hands on the one man they’ve spent their youth obsessing over.

Nicole (Kerrie Hayes) is a lonely, awkward teenager who finds a friend in Jasmine, a wannabe WAG who shares Nicole’s obsession with Liverpool footballer, Lee Cassidy (Jamie Doyle). The pair spend their time mildly stalking Lee at nightclubs but are devastated when they hear that he’s transferring overseas to another team. Do It!

Prince Of Persia Review: To 3D Or Not To 3D?

19/05/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

PRINCE OF PERSIA – SANDS OF TIME: On General Release From Friday 21st May

The question that’s been following Prince of Persia around like a black cloud of volcanic ash is whether or not it’ll be another sub-standard video game movie. Well it is and it isn’t. The impressive stunt work, epic scale and appealing lead actors make it easily the best video game adaptation we’ve ever had, but as a film in its own right it falls a little short of being great.

Perhaps it’s for hardcore fans to decide but as far as I could see, the only aspect of the computer game that made an impression was Prince Dastan’s unique fighting style and a world building that only Jerry Bruckheimer could bring to the big screen.

The movie begins with young street rat, Dastan, impressing the King of Persia with his bravery and rooftop running skills. Apparently these are enough to get him adopted into the Royal household. Do It!

The Back-Up Plan Review: A Little Premature

06/05/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

THE BACK-UP PLAN: On General Release Friday 7th May

I think that by now we all know about Jennifer Lopez’s luck allergy when it comes to the films she chooses. Many of her features are either barely passable, guilty pleasures or throat-slittingly awful and after a break from moviemaking, it looks like Jenny from the block still hasn’t learned her lesson.

The Back-Up Plan sees Lopez as Zoe, a desperate woman whose lack of a man has left her turning to artificial insemination in order to get herself a baby. But as she leaves the clinic she has a meet cute with handsome market trader Stan (Alex O’Loughlin). Do It!

Hot Tub Time Machine Review: Time Warp

06/05/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE (15): On General Release From Friday 7th May

If you’re expecting clever science and intriguing plot twists from Hot Tub Time Machine then you should do two things: first, re-read the title of this movie, and second, watch the trailer. You’ll soon see that this is a big, dumb comedy with nothing to say about the space-time continuum that you couldn’t pick up from an episode of Doctor Who.

80s teen idol John Cusack plays Adam, a grumpy insurance agent who, along with family man Nick (Craig Robinson), must come to his childhood friend Lou’s rescue after a failed suicide attempt. They rope Jacob (Clark Duke), Adam’s socially awkward nephew, into coming on a trip to the ski-resort they spent their youth in, hoping to cheer Lou up. Do It!

Gentlemen Broncos Review: Bucked Off

02/05/201006/03/20111 Comment

GENTLEMEN BRONCOS: Released on DVD from Monday 3rd May

Some directors are able to create a unique cinematic style that can not only satisfy them as an artist but earn them mainstream success.

Husband and wife filmmaking team Jared and Jerusha Hess are not these directors. After their fleeting success with Napoleon Dynamite, audiences soon realised that it was a one-off and the pair could only create work of a similar ilk but dissimilar quality, resulting in Nacho Libre and now Gentlemen Broncos (which will not even get a cinematic release but go straight to DVD).

Michael Angarano plays Benjamin Purvis, a home-schooled aspiring sci-fi writer who’s living in relative poverty with his wannabe fashion designer mother, Judith (Jennifer Coolidge). Do It!

Extract Review: The Taste of Comedy

22/04/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

EXTRACT (15): On General Release Friday 23rd April

When a film gets a US release date eight months before we do, I have to ask some questions.

Did the studio think it was rubbish? Were the actors not famous enough at the time? Would the humour not translate with British audiences?

I guess we’ll never know why Extract is only being released in the UK now, but I’m grateful we’re getting it at all because it’s not half bad.

Jason Bateman stars as Joel, the sexually frustrated owner of an extract factory. After an accident on the factory floor leaves one of his workers minus one testicle, con woman Cindy (Mila Kunis) steps in to get her hands on some of the settlement money. Joel becomes infatuated with her but can only justify an affair if his wife Suzie (Kristen Wiig) has one first. Do It!

The Heavy Review: Weighed Down

16/04/201030/09/2010Leave a comment

THE HEAVY (18): On Limited Release from Friday 15th April

A gangster film set in London with Vinnie Jones? Haven’t we seen this before in Lock Stock and Snatch? Yes, but the difference this time is that instead of playing a hardened criminal, he’s playing a hardened police detective in Marcus Warren’s The Heavy.

This convoluted mess of a movie has upper class gangsters, corrupt cops, scheming politicians and sentimental hitmen, none of which come close to entertaining us. Gary Stretch plays Mitchell ‘Boots’ Mason, a clock making ex-con who’s still mourning the loss of his daughter who died while he was banged up. Do It!

I Know You Know Review: Knowing Me, Knowing You

08/04/201030/09/2010Leave a comment

I often wonder why people bother to make short films. It may be a good way to get started in filmmaking without breaking the bank but it must be frustrating to know that feature-length movies are always going to outshine you.

This is a shame because it means that films like I Know You Know often fall by the wayside. Clocking in at 78 minutes, it has the charm of a short and none of a feature length’s self-importance.

Set in South Wales circa 1988, Robert Carlyle is Charlie, a charismatic travel agent. He’s got big plans, friends in high places and he just happens to be a spy on a dangerous mission. Or so his son Jamie thinks. Do It!

Whip It Review: Rock And Roller Skates

07/04/201006/03/2011Leave a comment

WHIP IT (12A): On General Release 7th April

She might have started out as little Gertie in E.T. but Drew Barrymore’s a big girl now and after a decade of producing, she’s finally stepped behind the camera to direct Whip It.

Though Drew hasn’t given up on acting just yet, after seeing Whip It I hope she sticks with her new vocation because she’s actually pretty good at it.

Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page) is a misfit teen who’s fed up with small town life in Bodeen, Texas. Her mother Brooke (Marcia Gay Harden) constantly tries to get Bliss involved in beauty pageants but indie-chick Bliss has other ideas. When she discovers a roller derby in Austin with all-girl teams, Bliss tries out to be a member of The Hurl Scouts outfit. Do It!

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Category: Film Reviews